Audit Uncovers Non-Abusive Parish

Mandan, ND - A recent audit performed at the request of the Catholic Church found some 1,000 additional reports of child abuse by clergy. However, there is good news from North Dakota: No cases of child abuse by priests were reported in the small town of Mandan.
Church officials were pleased to finally find a parish with a clean record. “We’ve searched high and low and we finally found one,” said Bishop James Mendenhall. “In fact, the priests in Mandan had no idea that child abuse was happening anywhere, which is also a first.” The Church has worked tirelessly over the past couple of years to take appropriate action in the face of the wide-spread abuse scandal. Most officials find a glimmer of hope in this small North Dakota town, even though so many additional cases of abuse were also uncovered.
“We want to look at things positively and move forward. What’s done is done and there is an established method for men and women, and even priests, to repent of their sins,” said Mendenhall.
Mendenhall also said the Mandan parish would be receiving an “Abuse-free” plaque from the Vatican, to display proudly in the foyer.